This is the dumbest thing I've ever read

"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures) 02/27/2019 at 09:20 • Filed to: None

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Please read it and share in my misery.

Here’s one of their sharp observations: “Sporting those stick-figure family window stickers? You’re family-oriented”

Or how about this one: “Drive an SUV? Safety is a top concern”

Ugh, is this why baby boomers are all so miserable? How is R eader’s Digest still a thing?

ShrimpHappens, née WJalopy > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:29

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I tried; I couldn’t.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:34

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You drive a 2013 CR-V? You’re secretly 50+ years old

/real shit besides myself every CR-V driver i see is that age its not even funny

WilliamsSW > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:35

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Lol nope. Not even once .

bob and john > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:35

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I’m not even going to try

CalzoneGolem > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:35

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I answered no to all them does that mean I don’t have a personality. I guess you could say my Forester is an suv?  

TheRealBicycleBuck > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:36

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Drive a WRX? Flat-brimmed hat wearing, vaping douchbag.

Yeah, ummmm, no.

Aremmes > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:37

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“11 Things Reading Reader’s Digest Says About Your Personality”

“11 Things Yelling At Clouds Says About Your Personality”

“11 Things Reading Oppositelock Says About Your Personality”

Ash78, voting early and often > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:38

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Have a cherry red sports car? You love red!

Drive a three-row minivan? You love sex!

Have ultra-bright LED headlights? Fucking Acura doesn’t have a delete option and they’re the only brand you ’ll buy.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:39

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So what exactly counts as an “exotic” air freshener?

duurtlang > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:39

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That list in amazing in how depressingly vanilla it is. 

Ash78, voting early and often > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 02/27/2019 at 09:40

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Truth. When I think “retiree car” it’s CR-V. 2 0 years ago it would have been a Buick.

Tekamul > CalzoneGolem 02/27/2019 at 09:40

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Which gen? If it’s 3rd or 4th , SUV.

nermal > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:40

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Nobody cares about what a car says about your personality, only what it says about your weiner. 

fintail > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:41

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I love the LED lights one, and the high automotive cred of the expert opining about cars and features.  Definitely a piece aimed at some specific demographics.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:41

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Do you have ultra bright LED headlights?

Check.

Chariotoflove > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:42

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My wife gets RD. It’s not all bad. But this is.

So stick family stickers are dangerous?  What does it say about you if you get those Calvin pissing on a Chevy/ford logo ones?  

Tekamul > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:42

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I answered yes to 3 questions.  The implied traits are all incorrect.  This is why RD is strictly for bathrooms.  It’s always about delivering shit. 

fhrblig > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:45

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Drive a Nissan Cube? You're a 65-year old woman. (Based on the fact that that's who I see driving every other Cube so far.)

Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:45

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Off top ic but where and when can i buy this

benjrblant > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/27/2019 at 09:46

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You’d fit right in here in CO.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Ash78, voting early and often 02/27/2019 at 09:47

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I wanna change that. Imma lower my CR-V “ enough” and throw some white TE37s on it and upgrade the exhaust system and keep the sunroof popped open. Go from retiree to teen with too much money... slight problem is im broke

Snailkite > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:47

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Drive a manual? You probably have two legs or a prosthetic device. 

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Chariotoflove 02/27/2019 at 09:48

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“peop le probably groan when you they see you walking over to them”

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner 02/27/2019 at 09:53

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“tricked-out pickup truck”

jimz > fhrblig 02/27/2019 at 09:55

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or a Nissan employee. The only time I saw more than one Cube every 6 months is when I worked in Farmington Hills. 

Spanfeller is a twat > duurtlang 02/27/2019 at 09:56

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I find it remarkably accurate

jimz > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 09:56

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people who get Reader’s Digest probably also have the latest Yellow Pages by their land line phone. 

CalzoneGolem > Tekamul 02/27/2019 at 10:00

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Second  https://oppositelock.kinja.com/tag/forest

duurtlang > Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner 02/27/2019 at 10:02

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That’s a 1980s Lancia Delta shell. Should be importable, right?

Tekamul > CalzoneGolem 02/27/2019 at 10:02

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Wagon.  I guess you’re still a blank slate.

Tripper > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 10:02

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Wow, I couldn’t make it all the way through

TheRealBicycleBuck > benjrblant 02/27/2019 at 10:06

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I’d fit in with ALL the Colorado crowds.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > CalzoneGolem 02/27/2019 at 10:08

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It’s a CUV at best.

If it’s an earlier gen, wagon is acceptable as well.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 02/27/2019 at 10:09

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Me too:

benjrblant > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/27/2019 at 10:16

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be sure to apply lots and lots of stickers to the cargo box so that you can tell yours apart from everyone else’s.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 02/27/2019 at 10:20

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Yeah, they can't even do a decent image search.

CalzoneGolem > Tekamul 02/27/2019 at 11:02

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I’m an enigma son!

CalzoneGolem > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness 02/27/2019 at 11:02

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Second gen

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 02/27/2019 at 11:25

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Hmm... I didn’t care for the Tahiti one so I dialed it back to the Hawaiian. Is that exotic? And no, it doesn’t smell like sulfur (lava) and weed...

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. 02/27/2019 at 11:28

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Is it the smell that makes it exotic? Or is it where it’s manufactured? Or are there high end air fresheners?

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 11:33

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I like a crowd? No. I like kids? No on that one as well. So what else does my three-row minivan say about me, which I’m sure will be clichéd and 100% inaccurate...

Out, but with a W - has found the answer > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 02/27/2019 at 11:56

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Can I join?

(Those are dimmed, full beam is ~4x brighter)

TheRealBicycleBuck > benjrblant 02/27/2019 at 12:57

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I’ve been wanting to do this:

One day when I have some time....

wkiernan > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 16:09

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I have a bright red sports car and I’m a penny-pincher, to the extent that I keep a running total of all car-related expenses and every time I add to it I recalculate the cost-per-mile to date.

Stef Schrader > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/27/2019 at 17:05

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hahahaha I’m still unemployed hahahahahahaha ugh please hit me with a bus

Stef Schrader > duurtlang 02/27/2019 at 17:11

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I f this is where writing jobs are going, I really should have opened a taco stand at the Nürburgring.

duurtlang > Stef Schrader 02/27/2019 at 17:18

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That article is the equivalent of what I would write if an employer would demand I write a Top 10 about dish washers.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 02/28/2019 at 16:14

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Alternative takes, courtesy me:

1. Have a cherry red sports car? You’re compensating.

2. Drive a three-row minivan? You’re Catholic.

3. Have ultra-bright LED headlights? You don’t know how to adjust beams.

4. Sporting those stick-figure family window stickers? You can’t pull out.

5. Displaying a sports team’s logo? You’re likely to get in a fight at Chili’s.

6. Drive a tricked-out pickup? You’re also compensating.

7. Drive an SUV? You’re in denial that a minivan is superior.

8. Hate a political bumper sticker? People talk about you behind your back.

9. Have an honor roll bumper sticker? Your kid doesn’t have very many friends.

10. Got an exotic car freshener? You drive a clapped-out 1992 Corolla.

11. Does trash spill out every time you open the door? You should seek help.